(Excerpts taken from an article by Richard Lederer - Genuine student bloopers collected by teachers in the U.S. from the eighth grade to College, and pasted together historically - Read and Learn!)

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Desert, and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. David was a Hebrew King skilled at playing the liar. Solomon, one of David's sons, had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. Julius Caesar estinguished himself on the Battlefields of Gaul. Rome came to have many luxuries and baths. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair.

Then came the middle ages, when everyone was middle aged. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak. Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the dame offense. William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was Queen. As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah". then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. An important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Shakespeare was born in 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies all in Islamic pentameter. The next great author was John Milton. He wrote Paradise Lost.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practised on a spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.

Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.

Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.